RealityIsCruel.
Monday, May 10, 2010
its been a long time since i last blogged.
but i guess, no one is viewing my blog anyway so its ok.
school has started for a month or so, everything seems to be going fine for me or should i say its just in my point of view.
when i typing out this very post, deep down inside me im not feeling happy at all. i dont know what my mind is brainstorming about, all the stuffs inside it is driving me to mood swings, in the end i ended up with a stubborn attitude. just about a week ago i quarreled with my dad over money stuffs, in the end i decided to survive independently and so i started not taking any allowance from him anymore. for the first two days after our fight i did not have any meals cause i did not have any sum of money. during the 3rd day and so, i used the pocket money that i had previously saved up to cover up for my meals for the following days. for that week my meals for the weekend was 10 hotdogs and raw eggs. one meal each day was all i had and weekends working time made me so tempted to spend money on food but luckily i was determined enough to keep my hands off the money i had at that point of time. from that very first day till now, i didnt had dinner at home. when i reached home i will only go into my room, locked myself inside, sleep and sleep to make myself not wanting to eat anymore for the day. i have not talked to any of my family members since that day and neither did they. i think somday, i might break away from them. now that i am learning to live independently, every cent i spend needs to be think properly. i guess my hotdogs and raw eggs meals will carry on until the day i have enough money for all my expenses. relationship between me and my dad became worse on sunday when i was trying to change my faulty hp. as my hp plan was under my dad's sponsorship, i needed to ask my dad down to help me make some form of confirmation that i am buying a new hp. at that point of time i know the chance of me getting a new hp is gone, but still i tried my luck and i called. true enough the chance was gone, in the end i ended up getting a scolding from him. after that conversation i was very moody and so i gave up the idea of changing my hp. from that moment onwards, i realised that even if i talk to him nicely, all i get back will be scoldings and things that i dont like to hear. finally i decided to become a mute so as to not invite any troubles or conflicts anymore.
Mothers Day just went by, i wanted to wish my mum a happy mother's day but in the end i didnt. maybe now that things has become like that, i am unable to pluck up that courage to say such things out. i feel useless but at the same time i am very determined to remain mute for the time being.
so in my blog here, i wish my mum a Happy Mother's Day
Thanks alot mum, sorry that i cant say this 3 words infront of you. Ming
